knit:: hurricane sandy capelet

There is nothing like a good storm with a real (or threatened) power outage to get me knitting!  Thankfully we weathered the storm without any real issues. As others gathered toilet paper and milk and batten down the hatches, I made sure that I had a simple pattern (i.e. can be done in near dark) and yarn! Last year's Hurricane Irene Vest was the first of these projects, and now I proudly introduce to you, the Hurricane Sandy Capelet!

It's made from 100% Peruvian Highland wool, and it keeps me toasty warm. I have received so many kind compliments on it this week (and I've only worn it twice, really!), that I decided to knit it for friends and aquaintances as a fundraiser for the hurricane relief efforts, because so many in NY and NJ are still suffering in so many ways. I am knitting it for the cost of yarn plus a donation to the hurricane relief efforts, and donating 100% of my time and proceeds. So over the next weeks and months, I will be knitting and knitting lots of these! (10 so far...yikes)  It sounds a little silly to say that God told me to do this, but it is absolutely true. I have been praying and praying for ways to use my creative talents to further the Kingdom of God, and He showed me that a compliment can be turned into a project that brings great good. I would love to tell you more of this story, if you would like to hear it.  And if you are reading this and want your own Hurricane Sandy Capelet, let me know. It may be a couple months before I get it to you, though!

Hope you are enjoying some happy knitting of your own...

Easter joy

Easter is one of those holidays that sneaks up on me...and never fails to bring me joy. Joy in dyeing eggs, watching kids hunt for Easter baskets, joy in church, joy in good food, and being with family.  Joy especially in what Jesus did when he died, taking the punishment from God for me, for the sins that I continue to commit daily, hourly, even minute-ly (is that a word?). Joy that He did something that intellectually I cannot understand when He rose from the dead, and joy that my heart understands and accepts and believes. Joy that I know Jesus lives because I have His Holy Spirit living in me, and joy that I know that my life is changed because of Him.

This Easter, I wish you the fullness of that joy, that Christ Jesus would live in your heart and your life as well.

He has risen, indeed!

new year 2012

You'll have to forgive me this sappy and probably overly sentimental rambling today. But I love New Years. I love the time to relax with family. I love to sit with a journal and a mug of cocoa or hot punch and dream about the year ahead. I love resolutions (even if I don't love to keep them!). I think it is good for me to take a step back and re-evaluate how I am living my days, and to correct course if needed (often needed!).

This year I coerced the kids (and some unsuspecting relatives) into joining the fun. I made a survey form similar to ones I saw on Pinterest but with a few more questions, to hopefully capture a word picture of our family each year as we grow. It was fun and sometimes hilarious, and often touching.

I love that my 3 year old boy wants to be an architect, and his 6 year old sister a fashion designer (she doesn't get that from her mom!). I love that their favorite shows are still "little kid" shows like Little Einsteins and Team UmiZoomi. I find it hilarious that out of all the fun stuff we did last year, both of them listed "Six Flags" as their favorite memory of the year.  I'm not sure we completely get the idea of "resolutions" but they did share that they want to get better at "sowing" (sewing) and building Legos. And that the girlies biggest goal is reading a chapter book in less than an hour (she is a fast reader), and his is to go to N.C. twice this year! I can't wait to see what they come up with next year...and how they have grown.

For myself, there are so many things I want to work on, I have to rein myself in and remind myself I can't DO IT ALL. And so I have chosen my theme for this year to be mindful--which means being conscious of how I spend my time and energy. I want to learn to be healthier with my body, eating better and being more active. I want to grow in my knowledge of God, and to seek more actively to make choices everyday that bring Him glory. I want to be more present with my kids and hubby, focusing on them when I am with them, and not being distracted by my to-do list, my want-to-do list, or any of the other things that often keep me from being completely with them, even when I am physically present.

(I'm re-reading that last paragraph now...ok, I guess I do really want to DO IT ALL...but I really am going for moderation. Really.)

One of the best parts of New Year's Day was this:

We saw an amazing rainbow as we drove to our family New Year's Dinner. It seems an auspicious start, and a good reminder of God's promise to care for us. I am trusting in Him to do GREAT things in and through me and my family this year. I can't wait to see what 2012 will bring.

saying goodbye

Today is one of those days that you wish weren't happening, but which the poignant memories will stay with me and sustain me.  This morning we realized with great sadness that it was time to say goodbye to our beloved furry companion, Pippa.  She had been ill for just a few days and after I ran tests on her yesterday (I'm a vet, in case you didn't know) I realized that she was sicker than we thought.  We still held onto hope, though, that we might be able to manage failing kidneys and crazy messed up electrolyte levels, to keep her here and comfortable with us for a while longer.  But as I lay in bed last night, crying a little, and praying, I prayed that God would make it clear how long we were to hold on to her. I have seen too many of my patients linger on with barely a "life" left, I have seen too many of my clients agonizing on whether "it's time" or not. I did not want to be in that place, especially with the kids just 3 and 6, I did not want them to see her slowly becoming a shadow of what she once was.

And so, God gave me a gift. A bittersweet gift, to be sure, but still one I can give thanks for. This morning my dear little kitty was unable to stand on her own, and could barely lift her head. It was time, and we all knew it. All four of us cuddled around her, showing our love and sadness.  And we talked about heaven, for I know that God cares for all the animals just as He entrusted us to care for them. And even the kids could see that Pippa was just barely holding on to this world to be with us.  So with final kisses and pats, the children said their goodbyes, knowing that while they were at school Mommy would take their dear girl to work and give her the special medicine that would let her first sleep and then go to heaven. And that's just what we did, with many tears (mostly mine), and soft goodbyes.

Oh, how I will miss her.  This little black kitty came to me as a stray while I was a veterinary student, in 1999. She had a broken leg and needed quickly to find a home to save her life. At the same time, I had been thinking about finding a companion for my other cat at the time, Cricket. And so God brought me Pippa. She spent the first 6 months with me mostly in a large dog crate, nursing that stubborn broken leg that didn't want to heal.  And she was never a good patient! All through her life she was one of those pets who had to be sedated for any kind of veterinary care!  She was with me through three moves, and my marriage, and the birth of both children.  And she loved to climb the christmas tree and sit in the upper branches, looking out the bay window. And she let the kids pick her up and drag her around like just another of their stuffed animals. She sat on the arm of the sofa each night as hubby and I relaxed in the evenings. She loved a warm lap and a warm afghan. She was always there, a faithful companion. We called her Pippa, or Pippy, Pip-squeak, Pip-ster, and just Pip. I often just called her sweet kitty, and she was. Oh, how I will miss her.

Saying goodbye is hard. It breaks my heart. But God sustains. And today, I fall on him, and praise him for this wonderful cat, for the life she shared with me.  Pippa, I loved you.

right now...

This week I am...

• harvesting green beans every other day...ones that were supposed to be ready to harvest in July, finally growing. blanching them and freezing them, hoping to save enough for thanksgiving!
• making one more batch of pesto before the basil flowers and is done
• reading Patrick Taylor's Irish Country Doctor series in every free moment...and wishing for a quieter pace of life.
• wishing that cooler weather would get here (tomorrow, they think!)
• thankful for how pretty ragweed is...since it has no redeeming value otherwise 
• thankful for antihistamines and good eye drops (see ragweed, above!)
• getting out the autumn decorations...but not the halloween ones, yet!
• feeling somewhat lacking in crafty inspiration....which is why you haven't seen more of me here on the blog
• working on three separate knitting projects, all half-heartedly
• promising myself not to start a new sewing project until I hem all 5 pairs of the girlies pants (2 done today, 3 to go) and work through my mending pile! 
• looking forward to a girls morning tomorrow while the boy is at preschool (girlie has off for Rosh Hashanna)...haircuts, clothes shopping, and a library trip all planned by her!
• planning an apple pie for tomorrow evening with friends
• enjoying my new Bible study group from church, and looking forward to building new friendships
• thankful for this list reminding me that there IS more to my days than disciplining a certain 3 1/2 year old boy...it only feels like thats all I've been doing!

the long awaited green beans!

Perhaps there will be some apple pie on this blog soon....stay posted! 

real life issues

This post will probably be a little bit more serious than most for me, but I want to be honest with you and where I am in my life right now.  This week marked my 37th birthday...its certainly not the first time a birthday has made me feel "old" but I suddenly am feeling like 40 is just around the corner, and how did that happen? 

It seemed somehow appropriate that I spent my birthday afternoon at the cardiologist. Now the good news, is that he doesn't seem to think much is wrong, and so that visit went about as well as I could possibly have hoped.   It has been one of those months where I seem to be at a doctor's office every time I turn around...4 times to my primary care, 1 to the cardiologist, 1 routine check-up for the girlie as she turned 6, 1 trip to promptcare for 2 stitches for the boy, and today was off to the dentist for a cleaning.  It doesn't improve yet, as there is the annual trip to the dermatologist next week for him to check my fair skin (and many freckles and moles), another 2 dental appointments (hubby and daughter), and a follow up with primary care and cardiologist in 4 more weeks. Ugh.  But the bottom line with all of this....and I stress this because I don't want you to worry....is that I am FINE.  Little problems, all of it. Most of all, even the little things seem to be getting better.

And that's where I get stuck.  Because in the midst of all of my little problems and my temptation to throw myself a pity party, I need to get a grip on myself.  In the past 8 weeks, I have seen my mother-in-law come through illness we were not sure she would survive, and she will (God-willing) get to come home within the next 2 weeks or so.  I have had a 33 year old friend, with 2 little ones, who has been diagnosed with breast cancer and undergone a double mastectomy.  I have a church aquaintance, 42 years old with growing boys at home, diagnosed with colon cancer and she underwent intense radiation prior to surgery which was in fact today.  I know a family  from my daughter's school, whose 4 year old is undergoing chemo for a rare type of cancer.  And most of all, I see them all going through these trials with such grace that I am constantly humbled.  I am driven to prayer, and for this, I thank God and I am thankful for these friends who share their journeys with illness so candidly.  

I am strengthened by them.  I am given hope from God. I am learning more about where I have failed to put my complete trust and hope in Jesus.  I hope that you, my family and friends and other readers, are with me here:  we do not know the number of our days.  I hope my number is somewhere up around 20,000 more (which would put me close to ninety!).  I pray that I may live each and every one with my face turned toward the One who knows my heart, my weaknesses, and my selfishness, and who loves me anyway.

God brings to my mind this verse today, and I pray it, for myself, for those friends and family I mentioned above, and for you....

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:19

this extra-ordinary life

There are days when I look at my little suburban life and think it is so very, well, ordinary.  House in a neighborhood with sidewalks, in a pleasant suburb.  Two kids, two cats, one lovable goofy hubby. I look at this ordinary life, and I sometimes find myself wistful for something, something more extraordinary.  I think of family living in exotic locales thanks to the US military, and all they are experiencing on a daily basis. I think of missionary friends who have chosen to live in crazy places and of how they are engaging a culture so different than our own.  I read blogs of wonderful women who are homeschooling, raising chickens, living on large pieces of property in old houses they are slowly re-doing.   And blogs of women who get to do creative things like sewing, quilting, writing books, and so many other things...for their career.  Suddenly I am the one wanting to go abroad, to raise my children on a farm, to write a book, to sew quilts for a living.

And then.  Then I look at my kids, jumping with wild abandon into the backyard pool, splashing with friends. I step back and enjoy our weekly summer trip to the library and the joy of a few new books.  I feel gratitude for my little sewing/craft room, and that I get to work on sewing my new blouse, just for fun. I curl up on the couch during nap-time with a book, because I can, just for me. Sometimes the kids get chicken nuggets for dinner. Sometimes I make them something adventurous to eat, and its anyones guess whether it will succeed (tonight we will try lentils and zucchini). Daily we try to find the little lesson, like seeing how the vegetable garden is growing, Bible verses to teach us how to be a better family together, crafts and trips to parks.

I realize, this ordinary life, this being a suburban mom in a suburban house, really is extra-ordinary. Its the life God has given me, and it is so full of love. So full of His blessings. Full of friends, and laughter, and creativity, and joy.  Full of all the "extras" that make it extraordinary.

He is risen, indeed!

A lovely family Easter, here.  Doughnut breakfast, wonderful church celebration, Easter baskets (our bunny knows we go to early church and so comes while we are gone), and off to my parents for the afternoon. Egg hunt, ham dinner, relaxing with family.  Even a melt-down by the little boy on the way home didn't ruin the day.  And an evening finished out with popcorn and a movie.  I think some of our Easter books before bed and we'll call it a day.

We live with gratitude to our risen Savior, Jesus Christ! He is alive, and He lives in me. Happy Easter, everyone!

beautiful scandalous night

This song helps me remember why Good Friday truly is good.

Go on up to the mountain of mercy,
To the crimson perpetual tide.
Kneel down on the shore,
Be thirsty no more,
Go under and be purified.

Follow Christ to the Holy Mountain,
Sinner, sorry and wrecked by the fall,
Cleanse your heart and your soul.
In the fountain that flows,
For you and for me and for all.

 
At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree,
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me,
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white,
On that beautiful scandalous night.

On the hillside you will be delivered,
At the foot of the cross, justified.
And your spirit restored,
By the river that pours,
From our blessed Saviour's side.

At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree,
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me,
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white,
On that beautiful scandalous night.

You carry the sin of mankind on your back,
And the sky went black.
Go on up to the mountain of mercy,
Go the crimson perpetual tide.
Kneel down on the shore,
Be thirsty no more,
Go under and be purified.

At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree,
On that beautiful scandalous night you and me,
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white,
On that beautiful scandalous night.
On that beautiful scandalous night,
Beautiful scandalous,
Miraculous night...

[words by Bob Bennett, performed by Sixpence None The Richer and Bebo Norman, on the album, "City on a Hill: The Gathering"]

parenting: working for (and with) god

My Wednesday morning women's Bible study group has been going through the Beth Moore study, The Patriarchs this semester. This morning's video session (session 8) really grabbed my heart and has not let go. I thought I'd put some of the highlights here, along with some of my ponderings.

"Throughout Biblical history, God has strategically sought to place His representatives in positions of...influence."  Beth may have been talking about politics, the business world, etc. but moms, this is for US!  God had put us in our position.  He has given us these children...sometimes adorable, sometimes messy, sometimes loud, sometimes cute, sometimes obnoxious...but always LOVED!  He has put us in an amazing position of influence to raise them to follow Him and to meet all their growing potential.  I am humbled and awed by this task...it seems overwhelming, doesn't it? 

But Beth also reassured us that we are capable of doing more than our own abilities will allow...when we are allowing God to work through us.  She reminded me that God is giving us his Spirit to be with us...the same Spirit who hovered over the waters at Creation, who brought order out of chaos...this Spirit also is with us to make order out of our chaos too.  He helps strengthen us, give us endurance, and all of the "fruit" of the Spirit, come, of course from Him, too:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  God also gives us discernment and wisdom, which I need so much.  His word and His Spirit provide me with help again and again when it comes to training, disciplining, and teaching my children.  I have a partner in my daily work of mothering my kids: God. I don't think I could ask for a better partner! But He waits for me to ask for His help. I must remember to keep asking!

Lastly, I want to leave you with this challenge.  Beth asked, "Do you live your life waiting for the work day to be over?"  Whether your work is parenting at home, or working in an office, tele-commuting, home-making, being a student, whatever it is you work at, ask yourself this question.  I personally work mostly at home, parenting my kids and making my home, but also spend some time in an office each week.  This question hits hard. I am often impatient...for the day to be over, for Daddy to come home to "relieve" me, for bed-times to be here. I am challenged to be more present in the work I have to do.  

John 15:8 tells us that God is glorified when we bear much fruit.  He wants us to be productive at our work. I am challenged this week to work, as Beth put it, "with excellence, enthusiasm, and a whole lot of Spirit!"  Will you join me?

create:: sunshine in sadness

One of our friends from our home group (weekly Bible study group) is relocating to England with her job. We are sad to see her go after only having known her a few months...but know that God has great things planned for her in this new adventure! In that spirit, I got out the paper and scissors, and all sorts of scrapbooking goodness for a little good-bye gift:

It's a little bit hard to read, the verse is Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV):

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him

and He shall direct your paths.

Choosing to trust in Him is hard, but always best, my friends.  Who will you trust?

winter rhythms

The middle of February. The middle of winter. A slow time, both figuratively and literally. Slower paces at work and at home tend to make me a little crazy, feeling like I should be using my time more productively. But thanks to a wonderful blog post here, I have rethought what I should be doing--using my time more wisely. The quote from that blog that stuck with me is this:

"winter is intended as a time of rest.   And really expecting herself to be as productive in the winter as she is any other time of the year was setting herself up for failure."
 
God created the world and its seasons. Even Ecclesiastes reminds me that "to everything there is a season, and a time under heaven".  He made seasons of growth, of harvest, and of rest.  There is a new peacefulness in my heart, as I am learning to give myself a break, to spend some extra time reading or in other quiet activities, to not feel like I must take on a new creative project right now. The time will come. The day will come when I am compelled to go hole up in my craft area and "get making". But it is ok if today is not that day.

It is ok if my daily rhythms are of maintenance (laundry, go to the gym, grocery shopping, clean up around the house) and care (for the kiddos, my dear husband, and for myself). It is ok to sit and watch the lovely birds on the feeder--there is a gorgeous and noisy male cardinal right now.  It is ok to watch the cat nap in the sunshine...or to take a nap myself. 

Fields left fallow in the winter do not stay that way for long. Soon enough, plowing is followed by planting and growing.  Soon enough spring will be here.  Literal truths for centuries of agricultural societies become figurative for us, but there is still truth there.  For now, I will treasure a slower pace.

learning to discipline...and be disciplined

After being a Mama for 5 1/2 years now, I feel like I should have been prepared.  Prepared with consequences, and the right words, so that I would sail through this confidently.  Instead as I am faced with disciplining my oldest this week, I feel like I'm learning right along side of her.  I'm not going to embarrass her with details all over the web, I'll just say that the punishment decided upon was this:  no activities for 4 days.  no television for 4 days.  apology letters to those involved.  and handwriting practice ("I will not...<insert behavior>").  I do believe that she realizes the seriousness of her "crime". 

That was yesterday.  So then comes today, and already I have dealt with kids hitting each other two separate times, and a play time outside cut short due to blatant disobedience.  Sigh.  I should not be surprised.  I understand the concept of SIN.  Its that pull of SELF above all other considerations.  The kids demonstrate it so easily for me...and then I am faced with my own sinful self.  For the reality is, I have that SELF issue too.  ("For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" --Romans 3:23)  Wanting MY way without regard to others, or to God's will.  Wanting time for mySELF, at the expense of other commitments and other people.  We are all born into this world with that drive for SELF foremost in us.  And, lets call it what it is: SIN.

But we also have GRACE.  Grace is unearned.  It is pardon for my wrongdoing, and a restoring of relationship.  I have received grace from God, through Christ whom I have faith died for ME.  And as such, I am also called to extend grace to others.  I extend grace through forgiving my children when they are misbehaving, and loving them through the process.  It doesn't mean that I won't discipline them.  God certainly disciplines me, letting me reap the consequences of poor choices I make, teaching me over and over the lessons I stubbornly refuse to learn.  And so I discipline my children, teaching them (I hope) about SIN, and consequences, but also about GRACE.  And how grace truly does cover them, restoring their relationship with their mama, and with God.  We pray together, and little by little, we learn. 

May Grace be with you, today, too.

christmas joys

Sunday night after a whirlwind week of preparations and celebrations.  Last minute knitting (finished the final gift on Christmas eve around 4 pm).  Baking and cooking.  And finally, finally, Christmas begins.  For us, it begins with church on Christmas eve, and what a glorious service it was.  Loved seeing my kids dance and sing the carols, and the dear daughter wrote a sweet story while the pastor gave his sermon. The story began,

            "I was dakrating the tree and a liut (light) chowd (showed) up. It wus Jesus! ..."

I will treasure that little booklet more than any of my gifts this year.  Love her sweet heart.  Being at church with my church family was a great joy.  After, we gave the kids their gifts from us (every year, jammies and a book about Christmas) and said goodnight. 

Christmas morning we enjoy the chaos shared by every family with young children...wrapping paper flying, squeals of joy and happiness.  Oh, what fun! And then....

SNOW.

Not a lot, mind you, just a dusting. But enough to just add to the magic and the joy. Our parents and James's sister and brother-in-law joined us for brunch, with our traditional egg casserole, and a new favorite cranberry apple cobbler-type casserole...mmm, yum.  More gifts, and a little down time, and then off to my Aunt and Uncles for more family holiday joy and craziness...more food than we could possibly eat, more gifts, and mostly, more family--my parents, two Aunts, an Uncle, and my cousin and her husband and kids.

And tonight, I found out a dear friend's baby boy was born on Christmas morning. Pure joy!

So when it comes right down to it, this is what Christmas was all about for me: celebrating Christ's coming, with my family. It was joy, it was magical, it was all that Christmas should be.

christmas is coming...the list

Not the list for Santa, unfortunately, although if he'd send me a couple elves on loan for a few days, that would help out quite a bit on the rest of the list.  The list is the one of "to-do's" percolating in my brain. Better to get it out and start making progress on it.  Here goes:

• KEEP CHRIST FIRST AND FOREMOST...in my own mind, in my kids hearts, in light of all the other items below!
• Christmas cookie baking: must include Harlequins, Great grandma's butter cookies, Chocolate chips, press cookies, and probably several other varieties that I will be reminded of once the recipes come out.
• Gingerbread house making and decorating, with kids.
• Names sewn onto kids' stockings (note: this has been on the list for several years, this year I've at least bought the materials!).
• Christmas cards finished and mailed.
• Baby Jesus ornament made for felt advent calendar (as seen in this post) before the 24th!
• Last few decorations out of storage.
• Deciding on the Christmas schedule of when to see family and friends, and to try to do it all and see all our loved ones we can.
• Activities for this week:
• Daisy scout meeting
• Nursing home visit and Christmas party with our church home group
• Visit to the Nutcracker ballet with my girl and the Daisies
• Go see Santa! Get great photos...
• Wrap presents...thankfully most are purchased already!
• Finish Christmas knitting projects:  one and a half hats to go, I think!
• Normal weekly activities:  laundry, cleaning, menu planning, grocery shopping

You know, now that its out there, I am not nearly as overwhelmed.  This may look like a big list, but its entirely doable, bit by bit. I'll keep you posted this week...hopefully with some good photos to share!

joy in our home

Temperatures in the thirty's all week, and windy, make it easy to hole up at home.  And there is no time of year when it is more pleasant to do so than the Christmas season.  Warm sweaters, a candle lit, one of my many Christmas CD's on the player.  And, especially,  I love the decorations...ours probably run the full gamut from tasteful to tacky--but each has a story and each brings me much joy.  And truly, isn't that what Christmas is meant to do?

Joy is in children's excitement, and talk of Santa, gifts purchased, carols sung.  Joy is my little guy who this very minute is in his bed (supposedly napping!) and I am hearing "Glo...oooo...ria" (as in "Angels we have heard on high") which is so very sweet to my ears.  Joy is them learning a little more of the story of Jesus's birth each night as we do our Advent devotions.  And joy is my own meditation on a holiday that celebrates much more than a miraculous virgin birth...it celebrates GOD WITH US.  And if our God could make himself a man in order to have a relationship with me, then certainly he could do it in any miraculous way he chooses, including a virgin birth.   Christmas is a time for joy.

And so I share with you some of the joy I find in our home right now:

I pray you are finding JOY in this season of Christmas!

memories are made...on facebook?

This was a fun little facebook app today, and I found so much JOY in reviewing the memories I recorded over the past year. Facebook may steal more of my time than I'd like to admit, but look! It records the lovely little moments too.  Hope you enjoy even a fraction as much as I did. Publishing it full size even though it doesn't really fit the frame...just so you can read the small print!

various thoughts, in no particular order

a lot of things just kind of cruising through my brain today, so here is a sampling!

• need to get started on my daughter's halloween costume, Dorothy, from The Wizard of Oz.  I have the fabric, but inertia keeps me from doing anything about it!
• trying to figure out the difference between waiting on God to show the way or for Him to do something, and just plain laziness (see inertia, above!)
• thrilled that the little guy has had 5 good days in a row of potty training (after 9 months of effort). Are we finally getting there? Or did I just jinx it?
• thinking about the two scarves I'm knitting, and maybe will go work on one after I finish here.
• or maybe it will be to go make the banana bread with the 3 1/2 bananas slowly going bad on my counter?
• wondering when they will finally tow the car across the street in order to finish paving the street. frustrated that getting our street repaved is taking up so much of my brain!
• realizing the washer has stopped and I need to go put clothes in the dryer.  And feeling blessed to have both!
• wondering who all these people are who are looking at my blog! I'm glad you are.  I love the Blogger feature that lets you track what country people are viewing from, but it just evokes my curiosity. 
  I have people from:   the US, Italy, Finland, South Korea, South Africa, Iraq, Brazil, Australia, the UK, India, France, Canada, and Croatia on my list-- how cool is that! I'd love to know who you are, if you are out there! Please leave me a comment, just to say hi!

some days my brain is just like this, all over the place.

book report: the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society

Just finished reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows (Dial Press, 2008).  As in, finished this morning.  This was a quick read, especially as I found myself reading in every spare moment over the past 2 days or so.  It never even made it to my "currently reading" list.  But just because the reading went fast, doesn't mean it wasn't without substance or value, in fact, quite the opposite! I think I will have this book in my mind in some way for a very long time.  It tells the story of the Island of Guernsey (U.K.) during the German occupation of WWII, through the eyes of Juliet, a journalist who becomes connected with these people shortly after the war.  Told in the form of a series of letters, it draws you in, and honestly by the end, you feel that you too know the characters like close and dear friends.

The impact of this book on me was that of awareness of suffering.  I was born long after this great war, and it truly humanized all the textbook reading of my high school years to paint a portrait of real people, real suffering, and in the midst of it, triumph through friendship, and yes, books.  It reminds me of the smallness of my own "suffering" (it seems pride to even call it that) in the little hurts, challenges, and difficulties that I face. And it gives me hope to persist in these little sufferings, to trust God, to be strong, to live each day for itself, and to love those around me even more dearly. 

It is cliche to say it but I shall:  I laughed. I cried.  I loved the characters, and I miss them now that I am finished this novel. It changed me for the better, really.  Read it.

i am a tree

OK, before you start thinking that I'm still on the muscle relaxants (mentioned last post), I'm not. Nor is the title of this post some existential wandering in my mind.   The truth is, there is a song that has been much in my mind and heart this past week, and the line that resonates with me is this:

He is jealous for me.

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

To give proper credit, the song is "How he loves", written by JohnMark McMillan, and popularized by the David Crowder band.  We have sung it just a few times in worship at our church, and I didn't even realize that I had internalized the lyrics until I awoke last Thursday with the words in my mind and mouth.  Thursday was that impossibly windy, rainy (10 inches!), blustery day last week when two tropical storms collided and gave all of their moisture to us here on the east coast.  So the words were fitting to the picture outside my bedroom window when I awoke, and throughout that whole day.  And they have stayed with me over the past five days, through my days of back pain (much better now), and today as I face some unexpected changes at work...that initially drove me to that common and easy emotion: FEAR. 

Today it was as if God was challenging me: what will you allow to sway you (that tree in the wind thing again): your fear, or your trust in Me?  I would rather be the tree bending to Him: His will, His love, His mercy.  Otherwise I just bend under the weight of my selfish fears, and that kind of weight will only cause these fragile limbs to break.  His hurricane love, on the other hand, may bend me, and may change me, but if I am strongly rooted (in Him) then there is no fear that I cannot withstand it.  Today I will choose not to fear, I will choose to TRUST. Because, as the song's chorus reminds me again and again:

He loves us. Oh, how He loves us.